The depths of despair.

This blog I want to talk about mental health and depression, and give you an insight into why i’ve not been around as much as I usually am.

I haven’t been around on twitch or as active as I was on facebook and twitter lately. This is because before Christmas, the black dog struck! At about 3 am in the morning a voice inside my head said to me that i’m not good enough, why am I still here? Why don’t I just end it all and that way it’s over. I’ve had thoughts like this before so this wasn’t my first fight with the black dog and the thoughts that cross peoples minds, so I knew what to do.

The voice was so real, so convincing and if I hadn’t got my 2 kids then I might have given into it and really gone and done it. But my kids are my life and will fight tooth and nail for them in every single thing I do. I put a post on Facebook explaining I was feeling down and want to thank all the people who reached out to me offering their ear to bend and to talk to, it really did mean a lot.

I eventually got an appointment to see a Dr and my good friend April went with me. I told the Dr everything that I was feeling, down, useless, helpless, not good for anything or anyone. This was greatly exasserbated by going for interviews and not getting any feedback or anything else when I know I was more than capable of doing the actual job as I have more skills than they actually realised, but most of them are working from a script and have blinkers on their eyes. Oh sorry you’ve not got the right qualifications for this. Oh sorry you’ve not got enough experience when I did eventually get some feedback from some interviews. This has really affected me in more ways than one. Both mentally and physically.

There’s only so many rejections one can take without thinking is there something wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I may come across as a strong personality, but it really is a front. A front that i’ve put on for so many years I seem to have perfected it and I seem to have lost the real me. I have lots of people that know me and are friends but when i’m in a room full of people I really do feel alone, as if I’m there but i’m not. People will start talking to me and then just stop and talk to someone else, as if i’m boring and I have nothing of worth to say.

Being in the poker world, I have realised that more than just me will suffer from depression, as the downswings really do get to you in more ways than one. Those that go through downswings either go chasing it and wasting their bank roll and get deeper and deeper going down a slippery slide where as others will just take a break and do other things. I have noticed lately that there is a lot of bullying in poker on and off the tables.

Discussion is fine, but then there’s people who think they are the bee’s knees and decide to do things to other players without their express permission and when they get called out for it they delete comments and fix it so that they look like the victim and not the bully who actually started it, so leaving the person that was the object of the bullying in the first place looks bad.

Some professional players are expert at playing the victim. They start something for the drama and when the negativity comes, they turn it round and say they are hated or receiving hate messages. Then the sheeple come running to the victims side. That is not hate, they don’t even understand what Hate is. I have always told my kids, you don’t hate anyone, as you really don’t understand the meaning of the word. A strong dislike and other words to that effect but never hate. Hate is such an over used word that is used in the wrong context time and time again. Then eventually when they have had enough and they have been called out on it and haven’t got a good point to come back with they delete it.

For the past 8 weeks I have been really feeling under the weather with this virus/bug that’s supposed to last for 5 weeks. Well me being me it’s lasting a little bit longer than that, and i’m now on antibiotics. My voice comes and goes and the kids love it as can’t shout at them. As for the depression, I am feeling empty, unable to function and just want to sleep. Which is no good in any way shape or form. I just wanted to reach out to those that take the time to read this that are feeling down, depressed, lonley, please don’t feel as though you are alone, you’re not. I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve just lost my way a bit and I know that the light is still there, It just might take a bit of time to refind it, but it’s still shining just as bright as before. Never give up and will always be there for those that need a listening ear.

Much love

D. Angel

 

My own Personal Estonian Jesus

Unibet UK Tour Manchester December 9th – 11th was the last tour of the year, and what a brilliant tour to end it on. I went to Manchester on the Thursday to meet up with Daiva, David Lappin, Saron, Hunter and Ian and took both my kids. The reason why was I wanted my kids especially James who did a sponsored head shave he was 9 and so was totally bald for his 10th birthday. He went bald to support his 9 year old girlfriend Ivy who has got a deep brain stem tumour, which has unfortunately grown from 10mm to 15 mm and has lost so much weight she has to have a wheel chair to go places that will be a bit of a walk for her. Also a massive thank you to Ian Simpson and James friend Jack for also raising money for CLIC Sargent and The Sheffield Childrens Hospital. Between them all they raised over £3,000 in just under 3 weeks! Thank you to everyone who donated to such a great cause.

Ivy (117)

We were supposed to be going out for a meal, but that got cancelled. I am so glad it did as we had such a wonderful time going round the Christmas Market in Manchester, with Daiva, David, Hunter, Me, Caitlin and James. James is a very fussy eater and ended up eating or trying to eat 2 foot long hotdogs! I have got to say the kids really had a great time and loved spending time with everyone. Ian was playing the UOS online series so the kids got to briefly meet him in the lobby, as his internet kept dropping out. To be fair to Ian he did think he would get to see the kids the day after. The look on Ian’s face when he saw how much James hair had grown was a picture, so funny. We finally got home around 10.30 which for the kids was late and they still had school in the morning.

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So kids dropped off at school, and sorted for the weekend. I drive back to Manchester and meet up with Daiva, David, Saron and Hunter. We end up going for a meal at turtle bay as it’s David’s 37th birthday, he has lost a year as he thought he was 38! Then after that the ambassadors go to the casino and I go and check in to my hotel. Go back to the casino leaving my car at the hotel then jump in a taxi. Got to the casino only to be told that Psycho79 had given me his seat as he couldn’t make it. I decided to kick back and chill for the night and have a few drinks. Going round the tables saying hi to all those I knew was a load of fun. Even seeing David Pomeroy was a nice surprise as well as Simon Steadman. Not alot happened that night apart from me getting a bit tipsy so will leave that one there.

The next day I decided I was playing. Wrapped up the presents for the Ambassadors and family and went to the casino, stopping on the way to get cake and biscuits for Doug and the dealers. With my presents being wrapped I couldn’t get them into the casino due to safety reasons. But that’s never stopped me anyways. Won’t go into how I got my presents in but I did. I then proceeded to give out my presents and I eventually got hold of Maestro. For those that know me, know I have a very mischevous side to me and if I give you a present it’s from the heart and its usually something I think they would like.

I gave Maestro a Black lacy bra. The look on his face was priceless. For the back story on why you have to go back to Manchester 2017. It was Maestro’s first ever live event, and so I organised Psycho and Maestro’s accommodation, they would be staying in same hotel as me and April. On the Sunday night Psycho and Maestro knocked the door and I let them in. Me in my onsie and April snuggled up in bed. It was time to say goodbye, so I gave them hugs. Psycho turned round and said “Is April Naked under there?” Aprils come back was “no I bloody well am not!” So instead of a hug they both got a handshake. I found this hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing till way after 5 am. Then Maestro on twitch said that he had nicked Aprils bra, he hadn’t but it sort of stuck as a joke. So there is the back story to why I gave Maestro a bra.

I had something to eat upstairs with Emma, Ian’s wife and then went down stairs to reg. Waited about 15 mins then Doug calls me over and said come with me. Lo and behold I ends up on the table with Adam Williams and the one the only Mr Ian Simpson. Eurgh am sure Doug rigged it. I had a major headache as left the central heating on and was probably dehydrated from drinking the night before so wasn’t really feeling poker that night. I do remember tangling with Adam and lost a stack of chips with a busted flush draw, and another hand was Iany re-raised my blind! Omg how bloody dare he! If looks could kill Iany would have been dead! LOL It’s ok Iany I forgive you. Think I lasted 2 levels before I bust. Oh well, gg had fun. So ended up going out to meet up with the rest of the family who were eating at a restraunt. Me, Johnny, his daughter, Pianocat, Davitsche and me all went to find them and ended up having a meal and a decent chat about anything and everything. Was really nice spending time with David and the rest of the people that was there. We even ended up going back to the hotel with the ambassadors, partners and friends for drinks and lots of laughter and banter. This is what puts Unibet apart from the rest. The ambassadors are personable and are willing to take time out to chat with the players and have made good friends with most of them.

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So it’s now Sunday, the last day of the Unibet UK Tour. Daiva is still in the main, so it’s left to me to host the ladies event. I went and got some prosecco cupcakes to go with our glasses of Prosecco. Maestro and Josh is still in the main also. Met up with Daiva with April and went to the casino. To Daiva makes it look so effortless. I hoped I looked calm on the surface, but I felt like a Swan, smoothly swimming on the surface and madly paddling under the surface.

I was so pleased April bought in and had a go at a ladies game. She is also an original who played the first ever Ladies game back in Nottingham. Thank you to Val who took her under her wing as she’s still a learner and is still new to the game. Everyone has to start somewhere right? It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, it should be an enjoyable fun game of poker with no one judging anyone else. The Manager of the whole casino Maxine even joined in Doug’s big boss lady! What a lovely lady as well, very personable and chatty, lots of fun. So sorry as well that I knocked you out. Was gutted when you bought back in again and had to move tables. It took a while but I managed to reach the final table. Poor Tambet trying to control a load of women hahaha, he did manage to get a good picture of us all, eventually!

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So above is the final table of the ladies event. Thank you to all the ladies that came out and played, I really hope you had lots of fun and laughter, and I didn’t let Daiva down. Massive thank you to our dealer Mel Lofthouse, who many of you may know and she will have dealt to you before. If not where you been? Such a lovely lady and so much fun. So we are playing the final table and then in walks the one the only Estonian Jesus, aka Rauno.  To say that the ladies heads were turned by him walking in the poker room was an understatement. You think men are bad when they are talking about a women they like, well they haven’t got anything on women. Men can be crude, women can be 1000 times cruder, and this was the case when it came to Estonian Jesus. I cannot divulge what was said exactly as it would make your toes curl, never mind anything else. I did turn round and tell the table that I actually knew him. I really don’t think they believed me. That was until Estonian Jesus appeared at the back of me and I gave him a cuddle. As he came to see how I was getting on in the tournament. I know the lady who was sat on my right couldn’t believe it, as she said one minute we were all talking about him and the next minute he was at the side of her. Only 5 got paid and some got 100 euro tickets to the SuperNova on Unibet that runs on a sunday night. I was the unlucky one who bubbled, but I wasn’t bothered I had lots of fun. Daiva bust the main by that time, but at least she did cash in it, so well done Daiva.

I went to find Estonian Jesus who was playing stud or something like that. As never seen it before I stood behind him, and put my arm over his shoulder and had my hand on his heart. Not intentional at all, but was nice all the same, when he put his hand over mine and stoked it. He was also playing the UOS events and was at the same table as Ian Simpson. That was a fun hand, as they both know each others games well. Unfortunately for Jesus, Iany did have the hand that beat thim and Jesus shouted to Ian that he was a fish. Round about this time we had reached the final table of the main event. Where Maestro and Josh Barker made it. So the final table picture done, I went over to say good luck to them and asked Maestro where his bra was? He didn’t know. So I went to where it was seen last and found it. I then proceeded to go back to the final table and hand Maestro his bra. The dealer and the rest of the table looked and the look on their faces was so funny, as it was like, what are you doing giving him a bra! I just said it’s a standing joke and left laughing.

Got a message from Emma saying that she had made it home safe, which I was so pleased about as she had to go to work Monday morning so had to miss out on the ladies event. But she did say I could give Iany a cuddle from her, which I did. The ladies event finished with a 3 way chop. Well done ladies hope you had fun. I knew it would be the final time I would be seeing Estonian Jesus as he was off on a new adventure with his friend little Rauno and they were off to Canada! For how long we don’t know, but I am missing him already. I was lucky enough to get a Super Nova ticket as one of the ladies had self excluded, so was a nice surprise and I was greatful for it. It was about time to leave, as April had work in the morning, and Caitlin didn’t have her school clothes and she was staying at a friends so had to be up early in the morning, to get her stuff to her too. So said goodbye to everyone and wished them good luck. My xmas present for Estonian Jesus was a pair of warm gloves, as I have friends who live in Canada and I do know it gets pretty cold over there in winter. So I will leave you with my final selfie of the night. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it and reliving the fun and laughter that was UK Tour Manchester. I always seem to have tales to tell or something funny happened when I’m at the tours. Maybe it’s just my take on it.

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and hope that you have lots of adventures and cashes, or wishes coming true in 2019.

Till the next time, take care and be safe. Love D’Angel ❤

 

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Malta Poker Festival and a fish out of water (part 2).

So the first part concentrated on why and how I got to Malta.  This second part will give you some, not all I hasten to add, fun and laughter I had at The Malta Poker Festival. Malta in November is usually warm and sunny, didn’t see any sand or have anything else just lots of fun. Because I want who ever is reading this to give the Sattelite routes a try and try and experience the amazing production and live poker tournament that Ivonne Montealegre and her team put together in super short time. Even if you don’t win a package through the usual routes, just save up and get yourself off. Air fares are cheap enough and I suggest you keep your eyes peeled for the announcement for Malta Poker Festival 2019 and also on Redbet Poker. Where else can you try and win a package from 1c flips?

I came out of the hotel, and walked less than a minute to the Casino, registered and went to try and find Kat! Walked round the corner only to be met by the Video Slots stall. Omg it was just like looking at a massive sugar rush! The amount of sweets, popcorn, chocolate etc was absolutely amazing. Finally found Kat upstairs on the RedBet Stand, so to stop me feeling like a spare part, I jumped behind the stand and started helping out.  Players from all over came and visited the stall and lots of fun and banter was had by everyone. At 2pm went into the Hall and watched something totally unexpected. A very well done and scripted show. Very powerful and I found it entertaining. I managed to watch all the shows which was a fantastic change to just Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, blah blah blah, shuffle up and deal. Bought some real flair to the proceedings. Yvonne and her team wanted to make a statement, and that they did with style and flair.

So day 1 was spend behind the RedBet Stand, with players from all over asking for a hoodie, and trying their best to sweet talk me into giving them one. I said I’m not the boss sorry I can’t help you. At 4.30 decided to pack up and go for a walk, that was when I got lost in Paceville! As I walked out of the Casino, an Israelie who had come there to play poker said to me “Get back to work”. Lmao I really didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t work for RedBet and I was there on holiday and also to play poker. He also asked me what I did, so I told him I moderate on Twitch streams and I went by the alias of Darkangel709. He seemed impressed with that, so now someone knows who I am in Israel! FML am known all over the world now. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, I really don’t know, but when I first started this journey I wasn’t known at all.

So day 1b and I’m playing. Table one seat 4. I could tell it would be a fun table as I not only had Daiva Byrne, aka Balticblonde on my table but also HeyMonia, or Monica who is also a twitch streamer and is the better half of Picasso, Andrew Headley (sorry Andrew, luvs ya really xx). The table was full of fun and banter which was great. The TD was called to our table in the corner more times than I had coffee’s that day. We were that loud am surprised we didn’t get thrown out. One guy got a 3 round penalty for showing one of his cards in a live hand, the guy on my right kept on dropping his chips on the floor. Now I know Colin who was on the left of me was always cracking jokes. It was a really insane table. I gotta say though the dealers had a rough time with us. One hand there was 5 of us in the hand, and we were just chatting and having a laugh. The dealer said to us about 10 times, no talking as there’s 5 of you in the hand. You cannot talk. So Colin said it’s ok were all friends here. At this she gave a sigh and dealt the cards. Colin asked me if I worked in the poker industry as it seemed like I was well known as I had got my name mentioned and my picture in Poker News website, (thanks Shirley ❤ ). So my reply was, No I don’t work in poker, i’m here on holiday and am just having fun. So then the inevitable happened the table splits. Gets moved to a table full of Norwegians, I didn’t really feel comfortable as I had on my previous table and the table talk was limited. I bust out about half hour later. But I really did have fun.

Walking round the tables and I hear someone shout, Donna! Lo and behold it’s Andy Hills playing the MPF. Was so happy to see him and everyone was looking at me gone out as though to say how you know him. Happens everywhere I go but i’m getting used to it. Then I hears another shout out, Hey Darkangel! so walks over to find Colin. I’m in the picture with you, you can just see me, I want royalties. Omg I could not stop laughing. Saw Espen, David Lappin both Unibet Ambassadors along with Dara Davey and other professionals which made my time there even better.

The ladies event was mental. Omg totally savage playing. Raise and re-raise and the ladies being really aggressive playing. I gotta say playing in a ladies tournament is really hard, would rather play mixed. But I love playing ladies only tournaments, as it’s a place to have fun, banter and chat about anything and everything. Basically anything goes 😉 Maria won from Norway, was such a well deserving winner too. The Norwegian ladies were well represented, and the head of the ladies Lets Go is Fiona Sands. Wonderful lady who I have a lot of time for. They even invited me out to dine with them which I was really greatful for.

Day 2

Daiva made day 2 and was so made up for her. She was doing interviews with Jason Glatzer of poker news, and I got ambushed not once but twice by Jason to be on facebook live for an interview. Talk about unprepared!  The finalie of the Show was amazing and well done to those involved a job really well done. I ended up running round, getting chargers for phones and making sure that everyone had what they needed and if they needed anything I would get it for them. Railed Lappin to the FT of the highroller, also Espen and railing Daiva and everyone else who was still in. I thought I was already well known before I went on the island, I am now known even further afield than I thought.

We ended up in a bar, with Jason Hi-jacking Kat’s twitter feed and going live on twitter, that was a lot of fun. So many friends cashed, even Kat cashed in the main event, which I was over the moon about. I met so many lovely people over in Malta and I know that I have made some really good friends. I am gonna finish here with my leaving the island as I could go on for a very long time and it would get a bit boring reading after a while. I left the island feeling exstatic but also a bit sad. Leaving new and old friends behind and the experience that I would never have even dreamed of if it hadn’t been for the wonderful Miss Katheryn Arnsby being so generous in giving me a package to go visit a very beautiful Island with wonderful people. Thank you all so much for making me feel so special and for such a wonderful time.

Thanks for reading. Till next time.

Darkangel xx

P.s Just remembered this Gem. Got a facebook PM from Andrew Headley, aka Picasso,

My mum and dad spied you at the hotel today Donna boss!
I flew them over for a wee holiday lol

Have you enjoyed your time? To which I replied yes I loved it, and said that his mum and dad should have come over and said Hi. He said they would do tomorrow. That’s when I told him that I was leaving the island. Even Andrew’s parents knew who I was. Omg so funny. Even total strangers to me know me 🙂

 

 

James pledge.

This started off with my son wanting to get sponsored to shave his head bald for clic sargent. The aim was to raise £500 for children who are going through Chemo and who have cancer.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would have grown as much as it has. Below is James story.

Jameshttps://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/donna-morton7

Hi i’m James and I am 9 years old and I am going to be 10 soon. For my birthday I am going to be……..Totally BALD! The reason why I am going to be bald is because I want to shave my hair for charity.

My girlfriend at school who is also 9 has had chemotherapy and has lost all her hair. She has a brain tumour. My girlfriend came back to school after the holidays and we found out she had being going through chemotherapy and had lost most of her hair, so she shaved it. At the end of school, when mum picked me up I told her I wanted to shave my head so that my girl friend wouldn’t feel like the odd one out and so I could show my support. I know that children can also get bullied for having no hair and I didn’t want that to happen. I asked my mum if I could also donate my hair so it could be made into a wig to help other children going through the same thing. I can’t do that as my hair is too short to be donated.

Mum went to school to ask them if it would be ok for me to do this and after she went back in to ask, they told her as long as I was fine with it that I could do it. As soon as mum got that news she was off, and dragged me to the barbers at the side of my school. She went in to speak to Sarah to ask about shaving my head. Sarah said that she could shave it to no1 as it wouldn’t be so shocking, but I said no and I am determined to have it all shaved off. My hair will grow back and hair doesn’t make you who you are, your personality does.

I then found out on the way back that an old friend of my sisters is also going through Chemotherapy for cancer. She is the same age as my sister who is 14. So I am also doing it for them too. My charity will be click sargent who helps children with cancer.

My mum is getting everything sorted and has been telling me about friends from abroad and at home that are willing to sponsor me for doing this. I want to thank you all for sponsoring me.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/donna-morton7

I posted it on facebook and twitter, not expecting to get that many donations, but thanks to my poker family after the second day of posting the link I am nearly up to £500!

I got a huge donation from Ian Simpson, so I sent a pm to thank him for his very generous donation. Only to be told later that his brother Andy had pledged to raise another £500 on top of my original target if he was to shave his head too and go totally bald!  Of course I got permission from James as well and he said he would like that. So now Ian is also going bald to help boost the coffers that James will be sending. He agreed to do it without telling his wife Emma. When I asked him if he had spoken to her about it, he said nope oops! But lots of love to Emma, she’s totally onboard with it.

People are making a joke about Iany shaving his head as he hasn’t got a lot to shave, but it’s the thought that counts the most. Lots of Love to you and Emma, so pleased I can class you as good friends.

Then another tweet totally out of the blue from somone from Florida! Offering to shave their head too if could raise another £500 on top of the now £1000 donation we were after! It doesn’t matter how big or how small the donation, every single penny counts.

To say I am totally overwhelmed is an understatement. I am so proud of my little man and also my daughter as she is getting into the spirit of trying to get people to sponsor her little brother too. Not going down the usual route, but thinking BIG!

Thank you so much to those who have donated so far.

Thank you for reading my ramble again. Have a blessed day.

D. Angel xxx

 

 

 

 

 

UOS High, 1 bullet and a dream

ace bet business card

As many of you know, I am not a high stakes poker reg. I am really a little fish swimming in a massive sea of sharks. I was fortunate enough to get a free 100 euro ticket for the big one on Unibet Poker about a month ago or more, can’t really remember now but I got it. Won it on a twitter comp I think.

I was umming and ahhing about playing the main as i’ve stated before i’m not that good at poker, but had been having decent and deep runs in nano events, which by all accounts, according to Dara O’kearney (sattelite master and all round crusher, on and off the tables) is harder to cash in than the higher stakes games, so I decided to enter. The 1st prize was 18k! Omg I could live my dream of finally getting to Las Vegas, buy a new car etc etc. But I knew that might not be a reality but it was still nice to dream.

I couldn’t seem to get going at first, nothing seemed to be going the right way for me in my flips and getting rivered, like we all do, but hey I still had chips so I was ok. I decided to change tack and do what i’d been doing in the nano’s, which was sit tight, have patience and don’t be afraid. I then started to see my chip stack rise. Looked at where I was and I was around 20th, fanbloodytastic I thought i’m in with a chance of going deep in this if I don’t mess up.

At this time I was also playing the Nano and low as well as modding on Ian Simpsons twitch channel.  http://www.twitch.tv/iansimpsonpoker That sort of took my mind off what I was playing.  First I bust the nano. Ok GG I thought still got 2 left to go. Then later on I bust the low in 60th, I got it in good and got rivered. Yet another GG WP me. So that just left the high.

Trouble is a lot of people know me either from twitch channels, unibet community, facebook groups and other sites. So they know i’m not a pro player, I’m just a “fun” player which is a politer way of saying FISH! I didn’t change my alias and wasn’t gonna hide behind another one. I wanted everyone to realise it was me playing, no one else under another alias. So they could tag me as they liked. Love me or hate me, it’s a bit like marmite, you either love it or you don’t.

Well then I got a table move! Ok running deep in High and then the poker gods decided I hadn’t been tested enough in my skills yet. Who pops on my table but the one and only @IanSimpson! A few expletives was said in chat when I realised he was on my table, then I also realised that I had another Twitch streamer Maestro1908  http://www.twitch.tv/maestro1908 who was sat on Iany’s left! FML I really thought I was done for, with those 2 on my table. Was so much fun when the chat finally caught up and Iany realised I was on the same table as him. Apparently I am scary to play against! Been told that before, but I still don’t believe it. Watching Iany from the very first stream, i’ve learned a lot about how he plays and how he thinks, bet sizes etc, so knew sort of what I was up against. I managed to get a few bluffs through against Iany which I thought was funny and also Maestro too, but wasn’t going to admit that in chat to them both, so now they will find out on here instead. I was absolutely gutted that I got another table move so lost Iany and Maestro who went out before I moved the table, think Ian got him. GG Maestro, you can’t win em all but you did well.

Then the addon period came and I saw myself going lower and lower down the board, gutted that I couldn’t have an add on too an extra 6k maybe more in chips, would have been handy, but I was still there and still surviving. I know that people had multiple bullets, maybe 4 or 5 and there I was still on my 1 and only bullet! The levels seemed to whizz by and then next minute it was level 25! Was I going to risk my short stack or was I gonna play chicken and fold. I decided to play chicken as I’d never made a day 2 before in a high buy in tournament.

So day 2 very short stacked 69/72. A lot of smut in the chat box when I mentioned where I was in the rankings. Wouldn’t expect anything else from that lot.  I just wanted to say a massive thank you The Chip Race for my second shout out on their pod cast wishing me luck and rooting for me. (my first one was the Antonio Esfandiari episode! Sigh). Links below:

https://soundcloud.com/thechiprace/thechiprace-season-7-episode-1

https://soundcloud.com/thechiprace/the-chip-race-season-7-episode-3-steven-van-sadelhoff-and-adam-sh…

I finished in 70th unfortunately, I shoved my AK v 56 and 56 came on flop. So out I went GG me. The dream died, no cash for me. Did I go on tilt? Nope. Was I upset? Yes of course I was. But it was a great experience for me, and to say that I reached 70th on just 1 bullet is an amazing achievement. Would I play it again if I got another free ticket, course I would. Did I learn from it? Yes I did, I really learned a lot. I learned I needed to open up my shoving ranges a lot more the deeper I go in the tournament. Every time I play its a new learning experience.

Thank you to everyone who supported me and wished me luck. Just a shame I couldn’t reach the money. Maybe next time I will do better.

Thanks for reading my ramble. Good luck to all on the tables, run deep and run true.

D.Angel xx

What do you have to do to get a job?

I am feeling really disillusioned with looking for work. Why? Because no matter how many jobs I apply for and how many times i’ved tailored my C.V to match the criteria, I dont have the recent experience they are looking for.

Being a single mom of 2 young kids is hard, really hard. This is a job in itself, a 24 hour 365 days a week job with hardly ever time off, even when you’re ill. I really wish that employers would recognise being a full time single parent, or just being a parent is a proper job and comes with lots of different experiences on a daily basis. Too numerous to mention.

Over the years, i’ve helped people build up their businesses, give them the self belief to start a business and watch them grow, then just drop me when they’ve been succesful. I’ve promoted businesses, people, products, and numerous other stuff. I’ve councelled people, still do every day with their problems. If you’re reading this you will probably think then why can’t you start your own business? Well there lies the crux of the problem, where would I start? What would I do? How would I finance it?

Most of the time I come across as very brass and scary, but that’s just a front. I’m a Survivor of S.A and Domestic Violence. I don’t know any other way to be without letting my walls down. Why mention this when i’m talking about getting a job? Well it’s something I needed to get off my chest and get it out there, so people will get a bigger picture of me than just been scary.

A few years ago, the Government decided to target single moms with young kids, saying they had to look for work once their children turned 3, instead of 5. Fine fair enough so we got targeted. Looking for part time work is very hard, unless you want to be a cleaner. Even then you’ve got to be careful of the hours of work, if you’ve not got a good support network. Which unfortunately I haven’t.

Now the Government have decided to target the 16 – 25 year olds with apprenticeships. No more support for single parents, people who are out of work for no fault of their own, they are only intrested in statistics. I will always remember my tutor when was doing Applied maths at A level (yep I did A level maths, and I hate quadratic equations with a passion!). She said this about statistics, which has always stuck with me. In life there’s lies, damn lies and then there’s statistics! So the level of unemployment going down using statistics is generally not true.

I would love a job where I could work from home and interact with people. If not then a part time job where I would feel useful and to be challenged. No wonder people’s mental health suffers when they are looking for a job and get knock back after knock back. It really does get you down.

Well am so glad I’ve got that off my chest. Till next time.

Adventures of A Darkangel

Here’s the adventures of a Darkangel also known as a fish into the world of poker.

My first poker experience online was with Zynga Poker, it was free and it was just something to do when I was bored. Didn’t really know what I was doing and still don’t to this day.

A few years ago my mum passed away, 28th of December. It was the hardest time ever or so I thought, having received a phone call from my sister on 27th saying mum’s in hospital and they want to know if I agree with being the eldest of the family to DNR. I was away at St Annes with my daughter and was the shock of her actually saying it made me feel useless. I left that decision up to her as she was actually at the hospital with mum. I woke up on a very cold and snowy morning at 5.30 leaving my daughter with her g.parents and her “dad”.

For xmas my son’s dad bought me No Fixed Abode by Nickelback, yes I know there’s a lot of Nickelback haters out there, but I like them. Finally reached the hospital at 10.30 and with friends and family around, my mum finally passed away at 3.30 pm. I gave a lift to Tina and my Sister, turned the key and this came on the c.d. https://uk.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=nickelback+album+with+miss+you#id=3&vid=8b5cf9f42e349ce16e97cd07ad041de5&action=view

Finally got the funeral sorted and it was on 15th of Janary, 11 days after she would have turned 65. We had the service at a family church and she walked in to Ed Sheerans Thinking out loud, as her legs didn’t work any more, then I miss you by Nickelback and then the final song was Don’t cry out loud by John Barrymore. Me and my sister both wanted Burn baby burn, but was told that it wasn’t respectful. That was a standing joke between my sister and mum as she always said she didn’t want to be cremated.

We got to the burial ground everything went ok, until………………. They dropped the coffin! Now there’s 2 things that immediately springs to my mind here.

  1. Me and my sister both asked the driver of the funeral car if they had actually dropped anyone before. Their reply came back as no never happened. We said jokingly at this time, oh there’s a first time for everything.
  2. Mum wrote a note saying “Please do not drop me!” Wouldn’t it be funny if they did!

A Piece of Trim came off the coffin and they just disregarded it and threw it away as it was nothing. I’ve still got that piece of trim, macabre I know but it’s a piece of mum. The “funeral” after that was like a scene from Shameless. They dumped the coffin unceremoniously into the ground and scattered amongst the grave stones. If you’ve read this far you may be wondering where the poker comes into this? Well am getting to that next.

My friend Rosarie phoned me up a short time afterwards and said that she was in a final to win a package to Vegas, (my dream destination since I was 4! Still not managed to get there, but dreams can come true), and would I come and rail on Sky Poker to help settle her nerves. So I booted up the lappy and began to rail. Sadly she missed out on the Vegas package, but after that I was hooked. She said why don’t you have a go as I know you can do it, so I then put some money and started playing. First game I played I won 37.00 and k’od someone called Geldy, apparently unbeknown to me at that time he was a bloody good player. After that I was told under pain of death to join Team Poker Titans. Which I did and I am still apart of to this day. Great crowd and a bloody good laugh.

I didn’t realise how badly the effects of mums passing and the dropping of the coffin had affected me. At times I really thought of ending it all, but I couldn’t because of my 2 wonderful kids, but the thoughts were still there. Being a single mom is hard, having to deal with everything and trying to lead a normal life when you’ve gone through something like that is really hard. If it wasn’t for Rosarie and having poker in my life, the support from my team mates and railing on the tables I really don’t know where I would be today.

I was eventually known as the queen of the railers. I used to have around 20 tables up on a Monday night, as that’s when DTD 1, 2 and 3 comps were up and running and railing on my team mates. The first time I played all 3 of the comps it was really funny. Most people starting poker can just about handle one table, never mind 3. So am sat there moving the mouse between the tables, saying fold that, raise that, call that, oh shit misclick, oh what the hell all in. The kids used to look at me and think I had gone mad.

I managed some how to bink my way the UKPC in August at DTD. I actually freerolled it, got in for nothing. Shock horror I was petrified but really excited. The day came for my debut only my 2nd live tourney, as the week before I went down to Miltonkeynes for a fake SPT tournament. That was a laugh, poor little matty I ended up ko’ing him the first hand I played.  I got there, and loads of the players knew me immediately, even though I didn’t have a bloody clue who they were. Oh the joys of being famous, Not! lol

I sat down at the table, and had some massive hitters on my table, proper poker players who knew how to play. I sat there and couldn’t for the life of me remember how to play poker. Having actual chips in front of me instead of the 3 buttons I could just click was beyond me. I felt like a startled deer, caught in the headlights waiting for the bang to come and it all to be over and go black. I was quite pleased with myself eventually as I had set myself a few goals.

  1. Don’t go out after the first hand you play. Check did that, so was happy.
  2. Just make it to the first break. Check did that so a bit more happier.

I lasted just before the second break was going to be announced. I didn’t care I was happy. I made my 2 goals. I knew I didn’t know enough about poker to take me any further. So for the next few days I stayed and did what I did best, I railed.

It was the most hilarious weekend I’d ever had, what with talking with everyone, getting drunk and just constantly laughing, just what I needed, time away from the kids and to have fun. After that weekend I drove up back to Sheffield on the Sunday night and ended up at A and E at 3.20 am with ankles that looked like elephants. The nurse looked really shocked and had never seen anything like that before. Am still blaming the vodka lime and lemonade for that one, some bugger was trying to kill me! I didn’t have any voice left either, that was from so much laughing. I met a lot of great players over that weekend, some who have gone on to be good friends. This was the start of my adventures in poker. There are a lot more mischief and mayhem stories to come, but thought would give you an insight into how and why I started playing poker.

Till the next time. Hope you enjoyed reading it.

Darkangel xxxx